Dictated by Edward Charles Newitt, who learnt it from father, Chas Newitt, grandfather Robert Newitt – who would have been 70 years old; grandfather taught grandfather, about 52 years ago.

THE FIRST MAN:
Break up break up, ye merry boys and girls
And give me room to rise,
For I have come to help you enjoy
A merry Christmas time.

Step in next man.

NEXT MAN:
In comes I as brisk as a fly
No money in my pocket and what cares I
A room, a room for me and my jolly company.

Step in next man.

NEXT MAN:
In this room we meet resorts
Resorts, my merry boys and girls
For this is a merry Christmas time.
Time to cut up beef, pork, mutton and rine,
We are merry actors that walk through the street,
We are the merry actors who show you a treat,
Step in, bold King George, and clear my pace.

KING GEORGE:
In comes I, old Bold King George,
The first man that took a man abroad,
I’ll bid him stand,
I’ll knock him down with my large hand.
I was sent to college to make mince pies
Mince pies hot, mince pies cold
Mince pies in the oven nine days old.

VALLIANT SOLDIER BOY:
In comes I, the Vallant Soldier Boy
With sword and pistol by my side
All ready for to fight.
I’ll fight King George with courage bold
If his blood’s hot,
I’ll draw it cold.
Draw up, draw up, all in thy ranks
And give a rigment fight
A battle a battle between you and I
To see which first shall lie on this ground and die.

BOLD KING GEORGE:
Likewise, I’ll cut off your ugly big nose
And you shall die, (Thrusts him with his sword, and down he goes)

KING GEORGE:
O dear, O dear what have I done,
I’ve killed myself my own dear beloved son.
Is there ever a doctor about?

DOCTOR:
Yes! (Without)

KING GEORGE:
Who?

DOCTOR:
Jack Winnie.

KING GEORGE:
Well come in, Jack Winnie!

JACK WINNIE:
How dare you call me Mr Jack Winnie,
The least you could do me is to call me John Winnie.
I’m a man of great pains,
I can cure more than you can cure
Or any other doctor can cure

KING GEORGE:
What can you cure, Jack?

JACK WINNIE:
I can cure ipsy, pipsy, paulsey and a gout
Pains within and pains without,
I’d cure a magpie with the toothache.

KING GEORGE:
How do you do that, Jack?

JACK:
Wring his head off, and chuck his body in a dry ditch.

KING GEORGE:
Where do you come from, then Jack?

JACK:
Fortnight below the level windmill
Where the cabbage grows bottom upwards,
And the blind geese goes brookin, and the ducks hedgin,
And all sich things as that, Jack.

KING GEORGE:
What did you come on, then Jack?

JACK:
On a fly turnell (do not know the meaning of)

KING:
Didn’t it cut you, then Jack?

JACK:
No, I had a thin veil over it

KING:
Didn’t it a prick you Jack?

JACK:
No, I had a bush faggott over it.

KING:
What is your fees, Jack? (Dead man on the ground all the while)

JACK:
Twenty bright guineas is my fees,
The money I’ve already lien down,
But under the King’s command,
I’ll do it for five quid.

KING:
Set about your work, Jack.

JACK (To soldier):
Here, Jack, take one o my quick-quack’s
And let it run down your throat like a gridiron
And stick to your ribs like a wheel barrow,
And rise!

(Dead man rises. All come out; then one other goes in)

In comes I, Old Zammer Vitt,
Me head’s so big, me wit’s so small
But ladies and gentlemen,
I try to please you all.
Come in next man!

JOLLY JACK:
In comes I, Old Jolly Jack,
Me wife and family on my back
Out of leven, I’ve got but seven,
And all the rest have gone to heaven,
And God bless them!

FATHER CHRISTMAS:
In comes I, Old Father Christmas
Only comes but once a year,
When he comes, he hopes to find a pocket full o’money
And a cellar full o’ beer.
When I’m dead, don’t bury me at all
Just pickle my bones in alchohol
A bottle o’flowers at my head and feet,
And make my bones to rest in peace

The dead man rises
The doctor arrives
Some very old humour
In comes I…